You know, I really don't like liking Anthony Rapp so much. I hate celebrity crushes. Well, I hate crushes, anyway, but at least with a "real" crush you have a snowball's chance of getting them. Your chances of getting a celebrity crush are more or less the same chances you have of winning the lottery four times. In a row. Plus it makes me feel so mainstream, even if Anthony Rapp isn't exactly a mainstream celebrity. I mostly talk about him so much because I feel like if I joke about it and realize how stupid I sound, I'll get over it. Especially since I don't like celebrity crushes that make me feel insecure about my sexuality.

So then I had a dream about Anthony Rapp. This disturbs me. Although in it he was working at a gas station. That was the weird thing: he was still famous, but he apparently had to work at this gas station for two weeks to earn the right to speak in town. And he was working with my best friend's mom, who doesn't work in a gas station, either. And I kept thinking he was annoyed with me, but at the end he told me he was actually annoyed at the job, then signed my book and gave me his personal e-mail address. Then I woke up wanting to kill myself.

I wasn't even talking to him. My best friend's mother kept flagging him over and trying to introduce him to me as I sat at a table (since it was a gas station with a little restaurant) and he'd smile, promise me we'd get to talk later but he was busy, and walk away. So I just sat there for hours and at the end of the day he'd tell me that I could walk with him, but he walked faster so I was way behind and didn't get to talk to him again. When we finally talked, I was in the apartment my grandmother lived in when I was growing up.

So yeah. Someone is going to use this against me someday, I just know it.