A Guy Named Goo (aguynamedgoo) wrote,
A Guy Named Goo

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Crack: Doctor Who Encyclopedia Style

I mentioned this to a few people on AIM, but figured I'd type up the crack for those of you not in the know. The following is the Master's article from the Doctor Who Encyclopedia I got for my birthday:

Plagued by the never-ending sound of drumming in his head, the Master was one of the Doctor's childhood friends, driven insane after looking into the Untempered Schism on Gallifrey when he was just eight years old. Like the Doctor, the Master was responsible for choosing his own name, and stole a TARDIS in order to flee Gallifreyan society and explore the universe. Unlike the Doctor, however, the Master craved domination, and sought alliances with a number of alien races during his early attempts to conquer the Earth -- including the Nestene Consciousness, Axons, Daleks and Sea Devils. It was also during this time that he and the Doctor came to the attention of organisations such as UNIT and Torchwood. Despite running out of regenerations and eventually dying, the Master's consciousness was revived by the Time Lords during the course of the Time War, when he was resurrected to serve as the perfect warrior.

The Master was present when the Dalek Emperor took control of the Cruciform, but fled to the end of the universe in order to escape, making himself human in the process. After 17 years hiding as Professor Yana on Malcassairo, it was a chance encounter with the Doctor, Martha Jones, and Captain Jack Harkness that caused the Master to regain his identity, encouraged by echoes of his past incarnations contained within the Professor's fob watch. He promptly seized the opportunity to steal both the Doctor's severed hand and the TARDIS, and return to Earth -- but not before suffering a fatal gunshot from the Professor's companion, Chantho, and undergoing a regeneration. (3.11)

Abandoning the Doctor in the far future, the Master travelled [sic] to Earth in 2007, shortly after the downfall of Harriet Jones PM. He then met Lucy Saxon, and took her to the end of the universe to see Utopia, where the human race had devolved and were converted into the Toclafane. Returning to Earth, the Master married Lucy and assumed the role of Harold Saxon, creating an entire history for his alter ego. As Saxon, the Master claimed to have attended and graduated from Cambridge University, gone into business, succeeded in his athletics career, and even written a novel, Kiss Me, Kill Me.

During this time, the Master cannibalized the TARDIS and converted it into a Paradox Machine, as well as starting work for the Ministry of Defence, where he was responsible for launching the Archangel mobile phone network, shooting down the Racnoss Webstar on Christmas Eve, and funding Richard Lazarus's rejuvenation experiments. He also assisted in designing the Valiant aircraft carrier for UNIT. He would later incorporate Lazarus's findings into the functions of his own laser screwdriver, enabling it to age individuals beyond their natural life spans, whilst also dispensing deadly laser bolts at his attackers.

The Master was elected Prime Minister of Great Britain in 2008, assisted by the mesmeric influence of the Archangel network, which tricked the Earth into believing his deceits, whilst also concealing his presence from the Doctor. His supporters at this time included Sharon Osbourne, pop group McFly and Anne Widdecombe MP. As Saxon, the Master also ensured that Tish Jones was able to secure jobs with both LazLabs and himself, whilst simultaneously using his operatives to spread disinformation about the Doctor to Francine Jones. In the role of Prime Minister, his first unofficial duty was to oversee the execution of the Cabinet in his office, before publicly announcing his relationship with the Toclafane to the world. It was during first contact with the Toclafane on board the Valiant that the Master revealed his true identity and ordered the assassination of US President Winters at the hands of the Toclafane. Assuming authority over the entire Earth, the Master then used the Paradox Machine to allow the Toclafane to invade from the end of the universe, and ordered the domination of the planet's populace, keeping an aged Doctor, Jack and the Jones family prisoner aboard the Valiant in order to watch his victory. (3.12)

Over the course of a year, the Master constructed an army of 200,000 war rockets in shipyards around the world, and was planning to open a rift in Braccatolian space as part of his bid to launch a new Time Lord Empire, and adopt a new Gallifrey alongside it. Egotistical and overindulgent, the Master had his likeness carved into the face of Mount Rushmore and recreated across the globe in the form on colossal statues. He also collected wives from across the continents in addition to Lucy, [ED: bolding mine] and would insist upon receiving a massage every day at three o' clock. It was through such predictability -- the Doctor knew he couldn't resist a countdown -- that the Doctor was able to rejuvenate himself and defeat the Master, restoring time to a point before the Toclafane ever invaded.

As a fellow Time Lord, the Doctor took responsibility for the Master's actions, and intended to spend the rest of his lives caring for him within the safety of the TARDIS. When the Master was shot dead by his abused wife, he refused to regenerate in spite of the Doctor's wishes, willingly allowing himself to die in order to secure one final victory over the opponent. His body was then set upon a funeral pyre and burned by a devastated Doctor, though his ring was later removed the embers by a mysterious female hand... (3.13)


- Doctor Who Encyclopedia, "The Master", by Gary Russell, pp. 114-115

So my question is: why did we not get to see pimp!Master and his hos? Not only would that have rocked, but take that "Time Lords are asexual" crew!

Speaking of Time Lords being not asexual, I have given up on the Rani being in S4, but I still want her to make an appearance, if just for what it will do with the shipping in the fandom: she's the Doctor's canon ex.

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