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18 February 2005 @ 02:14 pm
Fic: [Get Backers, Hellsing, Final Fantasy VII] Drinking Buddies  
This one was written for velvet_ropes and was a labor of love. Read: I didn't really want to do it. Ignore the impossibility of these three characters ever meeting outside of "Heaven's Open", or the unlikelihood of these three ending up in anything close to this situation. Hopefully I kept them close to IC, but if I didn't, oh well. It's a short, stupid little fic I wrote because I owe someone. Also included a couple of colorbars for Rami here. Feel free to use them, although I doubt anyone will enjoy them on nearly as many levels as Rami will.


The bar was mostly vacated now. The sum total of so much murderous energy had served to drive away every patron with eerie efficiency. Only the bartender remained, crouched behind the bar and ready to dispense alcohol at a moment's notice (having seen no inconspicuous way to flee from the establishment). The timid man seem to be praying to his deity of choice as he clutched a bottle of fifty year old cognac to his chest like a security blanket.

Sitting in a row of stools were a vampire, a serial killer, and a deity wannabe, in that order. The vampire had brought his own refreshment in the form of a blood packet (type A), and was currently nursing it as a human would a beer after a bad night. The serial killer was swirling around the cognac that the bartender seemed to be regarding as his lifeline, examining the color in the light before he tried to take a sip. The deity wannabe had a glass of single-malt liquor before him, which seemed to be glowing dully after the additive he had placed in it upon recieving it.

Alucard took another sip of his blood before finishing the end of his story, sounding as if he expected sympathy. "And so she lets me take the reporter like she's a treat that I have earned, like one would offer a dog scraps. Does she not understand what that does to a man's ego? I can only take so much of this." He waved his blood pack in the general direction of the doctor sitting next to him, causing a few drops to spill on his white shirt. Fortunately the good doctor was used to getting blood stains out of his clothing. "I swear, one of these days, when she least expects it..." Instead of finishing the statement, he bit at nothing, causing an audible clicking of his teeth.

"I was under the impression that you were bound to serve her," the pseudo-God pointed out smugly. Alucard scowled at him.

"I am fortunate to have no master binding me," Akabane said with a note of superiourity in his voice. "Not even Babylon City could contain me." He finally took a drink of the cognac, nodding his head appreciatively and placing his glass on the table. "I'm free to kill whoever I want. It is truly invigorating."

"Is that why you can't take out a couple of street punks?" Alucard pointed out with a smug grin.

Sephiroth nodded. "Not to mention the fact that you seem to need that little girl's permission."

Akabane scowled at Sephiroth. "We are merely colleagues. She comes up with our plans, but I assure you if I disagreed with her course of action I would take my own."

"I'll believe it when I see it," Alucard snorted, draining his blood pack.

Akabane clenched his fist, and scalpels appeared between his fingers like claws, but a hand on his shoulder caused him to retracted them and throw a glance back at Sephiroth, who had his drink raised and was sipping the glowing substance.

"Know what I blame? This society's newfound 'women are equal' ideal," Alucard announced. "Back in the day women knew their place. They'd never be leading vampire hunting organisations or coordinating illegal deliveries."

"You think you have women trouble?" Sephiroth asked Alucard stiffly. He turned around in stool. "All I get is nag nag nag. 'Sephiroth, you need to take over the Planet.' 'Sephiroth, when are you going to summon Meteor?' 'Sephiroth, you should have been a God by now.' It's infuriating."

Both Alucard and Akabane stare at Sephiroth for a long time. Finally, Alucard said what was on both men's minds: "You're talking about your mother, aren't you?"

Sephiroth leapt from the bar stool so quickly that it fell over, drawing Masamune. "Why? Do you find that amusing?"

Alucard stood up from his stool as hell, living shadows swirling around him as he drew his guns. "Yes, as a matter of fact I do."

Akabane, realizing he was outclassed, spun around in his stool and leaned back against the bar, enjoying his drink.

After a far too long moment of doing absolutely nothing, where it seemed like one of them may finally move an inch, the door to the bar burst open.

"Alucard!" Integra growled into the empty establishment, causing the vampire to turn toward her, his shadows fading. "When I call for you, you don't ignore me! You have an assigment!" She stepped up to him, grabbed his cravat, and began to pull him out of the bar.

"And Jackal! You were supposed to meet me for our job an hour ago! The client is going to go find someone else if you don't hurry it up!" Himiko yelled at Akabane, who stood up from the bar, leaving his drink behind and walked up to his diminutive colleague.

Sephiroth sheathed Masamune as a voice burst into his head: Sephiroth! What are you doing wasting time here?

"Sorry, Mother..." Sephiroth muttered.

Alucard turned his head back to face his drinking companions as he was lead out. "Same time next week?"

Two affirmative nods were his reply as they all left the bar. The barkeep peered over the counter when they were all gone, surveying the damage. Other than some unpaid for drinks, all seemed to be well. Breathing a sigh of relief, he stood up all the way and began to clean up the mess that the men had left behind.

Just as he began to relax, the door opened, and a priest, a sorcerer, and a guy wearing clownlike make-up walked into the bar...


Sexy Murderous Men are Love.
Made by aguynamedgoo



Transporters are Love.
Made by aguynamedgoo
 
 
Current Mood: sillysilly
Current Music: "King of Pain" by the Police
 
 
 
the Anything Muppetxerne on February 18th, 2005 01:34 pm (UTC)
Bwahahahahaha.
Rami: Akabane's milkshake //mevelvet_ropes on February 18th, 2005 02:50 pm (UTC)
Thank you thank you thank you thank you.
@_@;; Thank you so much Gooey, I absolutely worship this fic--having my three favorite sexy murderous men rant about the control-freak-women in their lives, while drinking together is absolutely priceless. <3 <3 And those fab colorbars are going on mah user-info. <3 <3 I love yew!! ~~~<3!! XD!!